This is an actual bulletin from the Durant, Oklahoma Police Dept. The public information officer there says this actually happened. Actually, I laughed a little. I’m horrible for laughing, but chances are you’ll laugh too. Actually…

020310

Public Intoxication

On 02-02-10 at 0358 hours, Jared Billy called the Durant Police Department. He asked the dispatcher if officers could give him a ride home because he was very drunk. Dispatch told him the police were not a taxi service. Mr. Billy started rambling on about being drunk and being at the 9th St. bar. Dispatch asked him if he wanted to speak with a supervisor at which point Capt. Andy Navid spoke with him over the phone. Mr. Billy stated he had been drinking a lot at the bar and later at a friends house. At first he wanted to tell Capt. Navid where he was so officers would stay away from there so he wouldn’t go to jail. He later decided that someone needed to teach him a lesson and he needed to go to jail. He stated he was a block from his house at 7th and Alabama. Capt. Navid asked him “why don’t you go home if you are a block away from your house.” He said because “I need to be taught a lesson.” He stated he would wait for Capt. Navid at 7th and Alabama. Billy was located at this location. He had bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, was very unsteady on his feet, and had an odor of an alcoholic beverage upon his breath. He was placed under arrest and transported him to Bryan County Jail.